The Great Acting Blog: “Dreaming Of A Rigorous Creative Task”

The Great Acting Blog: “Dreaming Of A Rigorous Creative Task”

Harold Pinter’s The Homecoming is one of my favourite plays and I have longed to play the part of Lenny and have a crack at his magnificent speeches. Last night however, I had a dream in which I was to stage the play. But I was going to do it without rehearsals. As opening night approached, I hadn’t learned my lines and felt that there was not enough time to do so anyway. I toyed with the idea of cancelling the production, but decided that no, the show must go on, and that I would play Lenny with the book in my hand. I justified this approach by telling myself that it would be good to do something really badly, and face up to the ensuing criticism. It would make me stronger and less frightened of being criticised in the future, I told myself. Anyway, I went on stage and played Lenny with book in hand. It actually went pretty well, the audience didn’t seem to care about the book at all. When we came off, I thought “ha”, I got away with it.

Then I got this sinking feeling.

Perhaps I had gotten away without being criticised but I suddenly realised that I had missed Lenny’s big speeches – I had flicked to the wrong page while on stage and cut out a whole act in the process. I became filled with a sense that I had betrayed my work and betrayed a play I revered so much. I had deceived myself when I had said that I wouldn’t prepare so that I could face criticism for doing a poor job. The truth was, I hadn’t prepared because I hadn’t found the strength to undertake this rigorous creative task.

If I had been criticised for going on stage with the script, perhaps I would not have felt that sense of betrayal. Perhaps the criticism would have evened up the score. Either way, the dream has made clear to me that I never want to put myself in this position, in actuality.

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